Sunday, January 31, 2010

Picture Post

I am currently indulging in strawberries and cheese. It's getting close to actual filling food again!!!!!!!!!!!!

Been feeling even more left out of life lately.
Spent my day half like this:
I love me some Sylvia Plath.
and I miss swinging. It was one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.
Images from WeHeartIt.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I'm trying to gain some energy to hopefully have something interesting to contribute to the world next week :).


Tea=Coffee? Oh my!

I have determined this stuff is as good as coffee.

That is a big statement for me to say.

Mind = moderately blown (likely as a result of being overly tired and then overly caffeinated).


Surprise! It's Your Mental Health Community!

Lately, I've been having some anxiety in regards to leaving the house.

I mean, this is to be expected...especially after being prone to puking and hating being stuck at places that are not my home while quite ill.

I was convinced to go out to a benefit tonight. All I heard about it was that it was an all woman thing put on by someone to raise money after a suicide, and that there was free wine. I should have put two and two together. Alas, I'm a bit on the slow side and the temptation for free wine was too strong.

So I get there and it is massive. There are hundreds of women milling about, some of which are social workers and nurses that I have met in the hospital before. It is a fundraiser for the Canadian Mental Health Association.

The speaker was a very inspiring girl named Laura and she was a schizophrenic. As she documented her loneliness, inability to trust her own brain, and experiences with medication and madness...I couldn't help but have flashbacks of my own. And they hurt. A LOT.

It doesn't help with the recent giving up of treatment by one of my doctors in favor of the belief of a somatization disorder. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I have so many diagnoses under my belt I have no idea what is the truth anymore. More referrals in the future, just like the last 11 years.

All I know is that I'm in pain and feel like staying in more often.

Also, my eyesight is incredibly blurry tonight.


Saturday, January 30, 2010

Top 10 Things To Do When Hormonal


It sucks to be a female and have some sort of pain-receptor connection be slightly off in your brain. As it hurts. A lot. Hormonal migraines and stomach and leg aches galore. I think I may not move ever again.

Top 10 Things To Do When Hormonal

  1. Read things like Gives Me Hope and cry/smile about the fact that there are still a few good people left in this sometimes horrifying seeming world.
  2. Online shop for shoes. This is a given.
  3. Avoid other people as much as possible so as to not be snappy at them.
  4. Watch Gilmore Girls and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Over and over and over.
  5. Look at Cute Overload and wish I had 18 pets.
  6. Search the Internet for funny and/or pretty pictures. Like this one.

That poor freaking bird. I can hear the de-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-na music in the background of my head. This might be because I'm crazy. It's possible.

7. Consume useless celebrity gossip. I don't know why, but when you are sick a copy of US Weekly is like gold.
8. Read Ruminations. Laugh because I think the same things on a daily basis.
9. Drink tea. Secretly wish it was coffee. Drink more tea.
10. Look at this. And laugh. And agree.

Anyone have any other good ideas for that rather grumpy time of the month?


Friday, January 29, 2010

How I'm Feeling: Quote

"It's all make believe, isn't it?"
~ Marilyn Monroe
(Click photo for source).


Love Me Fridays

  • NUMERO UNO IS....I can breathe-ish like a normal person again!!! I felt like this day would never come. I still subsist on liquids. Which is annoying. But one battle at a time!
  • The Thirteenth Tale. I haven't finished it in it's entirety yet, but my God what a book.
  • Good iPod Touch Applications rock my world. Especially when it comes to lists, fashion, shopping, or organizing.
  • Editing my bookmarks. I'm following like 800 blogs right now. It's too many blogs. I'm starting to trim them down in the hopes I can pay the most attention to those that deserve it. I might as well being as I'm sickly and never get off the couch.
  • Entertaining the thought of buying a Tassimo brewer. It's expensive. I have no income. But I desperately want to have a cup of not-failed coffee within my own home once in a blue moon.
  • Jon is home! He's sick too with the flu I gave him. But he's home. So I get to hobble around and pretend to take care of him. Lots of snuggles I say.
  • The fact that I plan to get around to painting my fingernails today. First step to starting to look human again!
  • More people commenting on the blog! I love Internet friends
  • --> This made me laugh and laugh.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Friday!


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Book Review and a Step in the Right Direction

Again, with all the time to sit around I have lots of time to review books.

This time I thought I'd go for something a little more along the lines of comedy. I was sadly disappointed. This is the most disjointed set of ramblings I have ever read in my entire life. There will be people who will be like "BUT THAT IS ELLEN'S FORM OF COMEDY AND YOU OBVIOUSLY JUST DON'T GET IT!!!!!", but I can't say the publication did a whole lot for me.

I LOVE Ellen's talk show. I think it's fantastic. If I had cable it would be on all the time. So it's not a matter of finding her not funny. It's just this book isn't funny without her ability to do stand up with the material. Blah.

I give it a 3 out of 10.

Also, on a better note...I'm going to start working on preparing recipes from The Cancer-Fighting Kitchen by Rebecca Katz with Mat Edelson!

It's a beautiful book with lots of healthy, yummy, easy-to-digest food. Now to just get up the energy. I am happy for the ability to be able to take my health into my own hands again soon. :)


Happy Media Suggestions!

Alright people I need suggestions!! I am looking for cheer-me-up movies, tv shows, music, podcasts, anything.

Please give advice...I need smiles.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Has a Case of the Sads

It's a bizarre thing to have another job let go due to a health situation.

I had been off for too many days. I could come back if I thought the illness was going to clean up quickly and tell them it would not happen on a regular basis. I would also have to fill out their papers and have doctor's notes done up by the end of the next day. I couldn't promise that and I have a hard time lying when it still could be weeks until I get a half-recovery. On top of that, I'm so broken that it hurts to move half an inch, let alone go somewhere to fill in health papers. I should work on my perpetual guilt complex.

I'm probably too blah to fully deal with it yet, but I'm sure the emotions will be a-coming. I got a referral for a new doctor but it will be 3 full months before I see him. It's hard to have no answers for that long.

Who am I kidding??? This is my 11th year of this bullshit.

I'm starting to come off as bitter. I'm going to brainstorm later possible jobs I might be able to manage (like writing! but no one ever pays me for that! woooo).

Until then I'm going to go suck on more Gatorade. I develop such a hatred for Gatorade when it's all I get to have in the run of a month.

Lots of love (I will be positive again soon!),

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

When You Wish Upon A Star

I'm pretty sure I am less spry than the average 90 year old right now, with this virus munching my muscles.

Someday I will be healthy again. More like healthy-ish. Sadly, I lost yet another job. I am failure city.

But still. I miss shopping. And doing anything but laying in bed.

Found a sweet blog though!

I don't know why but I pretty much live for self-help blogs. Fashion blogs too, but that is just because I like beautiful things. On the plus side, my hands still work so I'm going to do more cross-stitching and typing.

I love the blogosphere!!! :)


Okay, either I am completely off-my-rocker crazy or this is getting worse. Nauseous most of the time, all of my muscles feel like I ran a 10km race without practicing including my neck, stomach-ache from the no food, and coughing up a lung. Alas, no fever. Without a fever, I know I'm going to be dismissed at the hospital.

Instead posting pictures of my thoughts instead of words. As my thoughts are currently less than optimistic and smiley.

{edit: was very just praying for the day I can breathe and move normal-ish again}

Images from WeHeartIt.

Now I am going to try and go back to sleep.

I will post pretty things later.


Monday, January 25, 2010

Book Review: Shutter Island

Being as I'm rather confined to my house, I've been doing a lot of reading lately.

Figure I might as well share my opinions with my favorite people on the Internet.

Shutter Island, as most people not living under a rock would know, is a book which has since been made into a movie by Martin Scorsese, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. It hasn't come out yet, but with previews fresh in my mind, I got someone to pick me up a copy at the local bookstore.

It's a quick and enticing read, only taking about 3 hours of my life. Dennis Lehane is a fantastic crime writer and the entire book read as though it were a vivid screenplay. I honestly think it may very possibly make a better movie than book (A RARE PHENOMENON). I love reading about crime, violence, insanity, and all those shenanigans but I felt like I saw this ending coming about 4,000 miles away. Even though it seemed obvious, I still ended up somewhat confused, as though there were loose ends hanging about.

Either way, it was a decent way to spend a sickly afternoon, but I kind of regret it as a purchase. It's one of those books that if you got it at a library you would rave about it to others, purely because it's a one-time experience. Chances are I will never have any desire to re-read this book, which knocks it down a few levels on my beloved bookshelf. I'll probably try to pawn it off on other people.

I give it....a 7 out of 10 (likely only because the last book I read was so boring!).


Things That Bug Me Mondays

I'm going to try to not make my Monday list as rant-filled as it normally is, but I can't say I'm feeling too good about things.

  1. It's my 5th day laid up in bed with absolutely no signs of getting even remotely better.
  2. I'm pretty sure there is no type of food I have not thrown up.
  3. I'm hopefully on a leave of absence from my job, they are supposed to call me today and let me know whether or not this is okay, or whether they'll have to let me go.
  4. Feeling bad about moaning about these things when Haiti is in a state of are half the places in the world.
  5. Not being productive. I'm a productivity freak and it kills me when I just can't do anything other than occasionally type and roll over.
  6. The heat in my apartment refuses to work correctly.

I am loving the fact that I can eat/keep down baby rice-rusks and a tiny bit of applesauce. It's a pretty bitchin' diet, I'm not gonna lie.

Please world, let me run around and play with the other kids again soon!!!

I feel like this super attractive pumpkin.

Click photos for links.

Any good advice for how to entertain yourself when sick this long?? It would be much appreciated.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

Guest Post Time!

I did up a guide for must-have Valentine's Day things and plans over at my friend Amanda Bulman's amusing and thought-provoking fashion/entertainment blog Pink Robots Need Love Too.

Check it out for me!!!

Lovity, love, love

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Random Thoughts

I'm too weak today to do much more than single sentence thinking so here goes:

  • I wonder why when you puke 80% of everything you eat every single day you manage to gain weight? Maybe that's just a me thing.
  • I am developing an absolute phobia of food. This is probably pretty natural considering the above statement.
  • I read Amazon lists compulsively in order to figure out good new reading material. I was feeling like a light and fluffy chick lit book so I picked up Jemima J: A Novel About Ugly Ducklings and Swans. I swear this book was on 50 different favorites lists. I HAVE NEVER HATED A BOOK SO MUCH IN MY LIFE. It was so inane. I even finished it to see if it got any better, but no. I would like those couple hours of my life back please.
  • I may be addicted to magazines. Is there anything nicer than pretty, glossy pages spread open on the table?
  • I have the best boyfriend in the whole world.
  • I need to do more cross-stitching - this project will be finished and not just land as another half-done craft in my pile.
  • My mind is constantly lost in ways I could potentially make money without having to work the confines of the 9-5 (or even worse hours...) job. I can't wait until this flare goes down and I can be a remotely useful member of society again.
  • I like shooting zombies in Left 4 Dead 2.
  • JCrew ships to Canada and it's taken me this long to figure it out??? That feels like borderline online shopping failure on my part.

  • I love food blogs and the Food Network to the degree that it borders on unhealthy obsession.
  • Chelsea Handler makes me laugh until I cry.

Hope everyone's weekend is going well!


Friday, January 22, 2010

Love Me Fridays

Well it's time to be thankful for the week.

It's been a pretty rough one, so this is going to take every last ounce of creativity I have.

  • The approximate five or six people who make me feel like I'm actually contributing something in life, as opposed to just wasting space.
  • Books. I have bought a ton in the last week - including The Thirteenth Tale and Shutter Island today! So excited!
  • New referrals. My mom finally convinced me to demand to get some second opinions. Things are just getting too sad to not have some.
  • Finding new blogs. The effort that I have made to join Blogher has led me to some rather wonderful new ladies to read about.
  • Hot showers. If only mine lasted for longer than 7 minutes, I would probably spend ALL of my time in there.
  • Online shopping. Hell, real shopping too. I feel like I should try to buy my way into feeling better. I wish that worked better than it does.
  • Wikipedia. Is there anything better/more random when I get bored?
  • Pretty pictures from We Heart It that capture today's feelings:



I have determined that Neocitran and I may run off and get married.

Sadly, this is not the first time I have proposed marriage to an inanimate object. Oh well. I'm not sure what that says about my personality.

I am running off to the hospital this morning to see if anyone has any brilliant ideas for me. And by running, I mean something more along the lines of staggering down to my car while cursing that winter has to exist. I don't have super high hopes for the visit but my mother is making me demand a second opinion.

I have the feeling this is going to lead to me saying something VERY AWKWARD. Alas.

I'm developing a reasonably severe phobia of food. It's great. It's not at all like you need that stuff to live. But if it refuses to stay down, I'm going to have to avoid it and give it some space. We do not have a healthy relationship right now.

It's supposed to be my Love Me Fridays Day. Maybe later. Or maybe tomorrow. I'm such a brilliant blogger, I know.

Oh Kurt Vonnegut...if only this were true.


Thursday, January 21, 2010

Picture Post

Being as my body is being uncooperative (WHAT ELSE IS NEW?!), today's post will be a picture post. In addition to that, I need to work on a career change. Badly. My levels of sanity are being pushed straight off the edge of a rather large cliff.


I need stickers like this to put by my door. What a great idea for us memory-lacking/frazzled individuals.
This is how I felt at work last night.
Oh Savage Chickens and your way of capturing my life so perfectly :P.
Jon and I have difficulty putting on our serious faces when we are together most of the time.
I like Augusten Burroughs. I like Starbucks. I like this quote.
Pictures from We Heart It.

I hope everyone is doing well :).


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Big Questions and the Little Laughs

I wish I was a doctor purely so I could say that to someone. They would probably proceed to kill me and my life would be drastically shortened to that of a common housefly, but I'm not entirely convinced it wouldn't be worth it.


most of us are poked and prodded and pushed by our beloved (or not so beloved) medical specialists.

Jeez, even those of us who are not regulars in the medical circle can say the same about any major relationship in their lives - people, hobbies, general ways of life, etc...

As my mostly beloved author Chuck Palahniuk muses:

Said quote ties in rather wonderfully with my book recommendation of yesterday actually. Everyone is terrified of that big clean slate. Of whether or not there is a God. Of whether or not they are composed of a body, a soul, or just simple degenerating neurons and synapses.


That was a depressing turn of events.

Let's cycle this thing right back up to snickering at the doctor and the common housefly quote, shall we?

Looking forward to doing some guest post writing this week :). Other things I need to do: book hair appointment for cut and color to get rid of the rat's nest growing out of my head, pick up application for other job, and cover the place in lists so I feel like I am being more productive and less sleep-deprived.

Mucho love.


Book Recommendation: Still Alice

As a result of having been hit with the flu, I've been down and out for most of last night/this morning. However, I'm coming around thanks to my good old friends - sleep and drugs. I even squeezed some time in there to get some insulin tests done up at the hospital. I'm like the most productive sick person doing sick things ever.

Haha, I liked that last statement too much. It's a good thing I find myself hilarious.

I thought it was due time I shared another book recommendation. I read like it is going out of style (which it never could be thanks to the growing fascination with portable book electronics - BUT DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON MY LOVE OF THE PAPERBACK...), so I have no shortage of material from which to pick.

My choice this time around is Still Alice by Lisa Genova.

This is a story about a Harvard cognitive psychology professor who values her mind more than anything else in her life - her husband, children, or possessions. Of course, she is hit with early-onset Alzheimer's Disease. Alice is put through the situation of having to lose what she treasures most slowly and with the full knowledge of every step that is to come. As such, she learns what it is like to change all priorities and look for reasons to live outside of what has become ingrained on her psyche.

Tragic, I know.

Sadly, this is a story I relate to above all others. I have lost significant memory since my illnesses have gotten worse. I've been stuck in situations where traveling is no longer an easy option. I have to pick new things as reasons to love life every single day. Alice, although incredibly flawed and stubborn (as most of us are), is a newfound hero in my list of literary greats.

I highly recommend.


Monday, January 18, 2010

Things That Bug Me Mondays

  • Not having the energy to even do an intro for this post (as I believe I am fighting a battle with the flu - my immune system is a rock star!).
  • Panic attacks. I neither enjoy nor recommend.
  • My inability to find jeans that fit my rather pear-like body.
  • Not having a pet. I don't know why, this one is just making me sad today.
  • Talking on the phone. I despise it. Which is hilarious, considering my current profession.
  • The fact that these work hours leave me seeing my favorite ... just about never.
  • Trying to decide whether or not I am healthy enough to go to work. I go back and forth and back and forth and usually end up going, only to come home like two hours later.
  • How bad Top 40 radio is becoming. I'm even a general pop music fan and it's seriously getting painful.
  • The fact that I'm angry at the world today. This is like the opposite of the one goal I have in life and it drives me CRAZY. I refuse to be this way tomorrow.
Now I am going to go get dressed and attempt to make myself pretty.

I leave you with this picture as it is both cute and irrelevant.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Rainbows and Roses and Whiskers on Kittens...

Shopping yesterday courtesy of my mother was rather successful - I got a nice pair of pants (aka more than I would normally spend on pants), a beautiful Mac and Jac dress, and a pretty purple knit sweater with a giant flower on the front. I would take pictures, but alas, I am lazy. Someday perhaps.

Instead, here are a few pictures that are doing it for me today:

This one is for Jonathan :).
This is how I feel much of the time.
I covet an umbrella with a print like this.
And something I firmly believe would help make everyone's days a little better:

Still feeling a little worse for wear, so using the rest of the weekend to hopefully recover.


Saturday, January 16, 2010


Today = Shopping.

For all those things I need to update in my life.
Which may be a lot.

Will update with anything good :)

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!!


Friday, January 15, 2010

Love Me Fridays


Time to push all the health issues aside and focus on what in life I feel thankful and happy towards.
  • My outfit today is adorable. I will take a picture of it later but it's a pink sweater with a pink and white floral beaded applique, a white flared skirt with stitched tiny white flowers, and grey cotton tights. :)
  • The re-watching process of both Pushing Daisies and Gilmore Girls.
  • Blog comments! Every time anyone comments on this blog I swear my heart grows 3 sizes Grinch-style. Not that I am like a Grinch. But hopefully people understand what I'm saying. I like making new friends :).
  • People who are nice to me on the phone. I know when people call in to tech support people they are usually grouchy, but the people who go out of their way to make my day better I kind of want to kiss through the phone line as I'm usually not feeling so hot in the first place.
  • Webcomics...webcomics...and more webcomics.
  • A well-made cup of coffee. The coffee at work is making me be really grateful that at least some people can do it right.
  • Moisturizer. As it's the winter and I'm turning into Ms. McScales. Plus it has sparkles in it. Gotta love The Body Shop.
and now for everyone's linking pleasure:

I'm feeling cutesy so I'm sending people to Cute Overload to look at the adorable animals.

This XKCD made me laugh so hard this morning. I want to print it out and post it on my computer at work but that would be inappropriate.

Now I must finish making myself look presentable to the common public.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Tattoos and Ramblings

It's Thursday.

I'm drinking a butter pecan Ensure meal replacement shake. It's surprisingly tolerable. With all the morning sickness I have you'd swear to god I was pregnant except I'm not. My stomach is also swollen enough to look as such. But this is life.

So instead of dwelling, I am posting about tattoos I like.

Now I just need to scrape up enough money to further ink myself.

I also need to do an update of my favorite links for this site.

Apparently my blog post today is me rambling on directly to my own head. Sorry for my moderate amount of space case mentality but I'm pressed for time today.

We're almost to the end of the week!!!!


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I'm Morphing Into A Whale

Let's talk about water weight.

A) It is puffing me up like a balloon right now.
B) It makes me want to stick a pin in myself in hopes of deflation.
C) None of my pants fit.

I started birth control pills not that long ago (in the hopes they can help regulate some of the terrifying woman hormones I have going on here) and, like so many do while on birth control, I have seen rapid weight gain ALL around my abdomen. My fingers and ankles puff up a bit too much to my dismay.

According to the website How Stuff Works (don't listen directly to me or these people, we are not doctors)...these are the 8 tips for lessening water retention.

  1. Avoid salt. Seems easy enough...I can probably do this one.
  2. Eat bananas. Didn't see that one coming. Hrmmm can do a grocery store stop later in the day.
  3. Ice packs. I feel like it would be both cold and weird to go all day with ice packs strapped to my midsection.
  4. Consume natural diuretics (cabbage and cranberry juice). I am going to be ALL over the latter but I can skip on the cabbage.
  5. Eat Yogurt. Well I can get on this right now...wooo.
  6. Drink Water. I can do this, but it will have good old added Crystal Light aspartame in it.
  7. Take Your Vitamins. Can accomplish this one too!
  8. Toss Out Tight Clothing. Well this is obviously not going to happen as I'm not magically rich.
I have fears of ending up the girl who wears sweatpants in public.

Anyone have any better ideas?


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Nausea Fairy

I feel absolutely horrible - the nausea fairies are not on my side these days. I have no idea what is going on but it seems to be a cycle that I just have to grin and bear it.

Anyone have any great nausea tips?

I wish life was easier and when you were this sick you could just crawl in bed and not come out for the next two months. Alas, you cannot keep any of your jobs or maintain any semblance of a life like that if people refuse to acknowledge you as having a disability.

So in order to not shed tears on my keyboard I'm going to post pictures instead.

Notebook doodles rock my socks.
I find this hilarious as someone who loves writing.
I NEED one of these stamps. I will then proceed to stamp it on everything.
Wall-E. Best love story.
Where I wish I was...

Hope everyone's week is going better than mine!