I am watching a movie - Ellie Parker, and it has me thinking...
For a long time, we wander about this Earth, waiting for something to give our lives meaning. Something to make our "lives" start. Sometimes it is a career, a family, losing weight, or an impossible dream. For awhile I felt this way about my illness...I thought if only I could hold on long enough to get through university and get a job, I could finally start feeling enjoyment. Many of us pretend to be other people for far too long.
Funny thing is...life doesn't work that way. Life is right now, at this very second, whether your dreams ever come true or not. You are responsible for your own happiness (even if you have chemical imbalances that swing you the other way, as I do...). I had to become seriously ill to realize what parts of me were real and what parts were not.
We are train wrecks, and that is why stories of human life are so fascinating. We can break up the pain though. We have that power. Know yourself and treat yourself well. Let yourself experience feelings. Being angry and despairing is OK. Being happy is OK.
The process of life is hard enough...we do not have to make it any harder.