Thursday, March 24, 2011

Dependent on Chemicals...

I missed my morning pills on Monday, as I had thought that I had already taken them.
I didn't end up taking them until the afternoon ones came around.
It was an absolute mess.

I felt completely bleak and abysmal.  I felt like everyone would be better off if I didn't exist anymore.  Insta-depression, and in that state of depression, I can't even begin to figure out that it could be chemical.  Instead, I just see black and white.

My brain makes ZERO serotonin and I metabolize the drug incredibly fast.

It's terrifying that so much of my life equals reliance on medication.



Puddle Stomper said...


I completely know what you're going through right now. My fibro has been flaring and I have the worst habit when that happens... I'll take my pain pills but often forget the rest of my meds and it screws with me for days. But I can tell you right now NO ONE would be better without you- I look forward to your blog every day because it makes me feel like I'm not completely alone. I know it's hard, and some days (ok most days) you want to give up, but just remember how many people you're helping simply by sharing your thoughts daily.

Much Love,

Toni said...

Annie - Maybe it would be better if you looked on it differently -- that your body is deficient in one or more chemicals and that the medication is just helping your body function more like the bodies of people who don't have that deficiency. Just a thought. Love you.

Annie said...

Toni, sometimes I wonder if you are not the fountain of the best information in the world. I am so happy to know you, as you have impacted my life in an EPIC manner.

Also, thank you Desiree, you are so sweet. I hope that people enjoy my blog <3