But today, I have to admit to having had a meltdown of sorts.
I don't understand why I get sick most of the time, even though I've read a million articles on the topic. I always wonder why I'm such an introvert, and why being with people drains the energy right out of me (even more than what occurs as a result of illness alone...). I've managed to leave myself fairly neurotic after nearly 23 years of living in such a manner.
I sometimes think that I've managed to make myself the official 'Black Sheep' of the family as a result of my confusing times in the hospital and inability to make useless small talk at the Christmas dinner table. I often wonder which came first - the inability to feel connected to others or the constant pain battle. I'm sure that both can manage to create the other in some form or fashion. Either way it has managed to turn into a brutal cycle.
I also have another flare-up of good ol' cystic acne on my face. Talk about doing wonders for the self-esteem that I work so hard to remain optimistic about.
I suppose I will do what anyone else does in times of adversity and confusion.
Take one hour at a time.
[I learned to do this after a stay in the hospital where I determined that one day at a time was farrrrrrrrrrrrrr too long to handle.]
With that being said, perhaps I'll sleep on the matter.