Thursday, January 6, 2011

Revised Pain Scale by Allie Brosh :)

0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don’t know why I’m even here.
1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.
2: I probably just need a Band Aid.
3: This is distressing. I don’t want this to be happening to me at all.
4: My pain is not fucking around.
5: Why is this happening to me??
6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.
7: I see Jesus coming for me and I’m scared.
8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.
9: I am almost definitely dying.
10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.
11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.
Too Serious For Numbers: You probably have ebola. It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.

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Jamee @ A New Kind of Normal said...

This is way too funny! I've got to post it! LOL!

andrea said...

Hilarious! I have to retweet your tweet. Thanks for sharing this.

andrea said...

Hilarious! Thank you for sharing some levity in the daily pain of things.

dominique said...

That was funny!

middle child said...

My dad died in 2004 and he absolutely HATED those 1 - 10 pain charts. I either took them down or interupted anyone who began to ask him that. Gets old after awhile, plus, none of the descriptions ever really covers it. Peace.

Kathleen said...

My favorite is #4! Thanks so much for making me laugh today!

Anonymous said...


Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Back in October I drank spoiled milk and three days later-oh my. ER here I come with a gut that I thought would be happier on anyone else but me. Crouched in agony, I stumbled my way up the ramp as the clerk brought a wheel chair. Falling gratefully into it, they took me right to the back and I told them my pain was an eight or nine--after all I was talking sense and had been walking, sort of, moments earlier.

Two days later, as I lay upstairs with antibiotics running freely and pain meds every two hours into my IV, the ER doc came by to tell me he’d Never Seen anyone in that much pain walk and talk. I welcomed him to the life of a chronic pain patient with an invisible condition. He was speechless.

Many years ago I clerked in an ER and altho the scale barely works for real pain situations, asking people and getting their responses taught me lots more about them than their pain.