Monday, January 31, 2011

Things That Bug Me Mondays

  • Nerve pain all through my teeth and right side of my face.
  • Super sleep deprivation times ten.
  • Feeling ostracized sometimes.
  • The fact that I have been laid up in bed for too long.
  • Snow.  I'm tired of snow.
  • Not being able to wear my nice clothes anymore as so many of them cause me pain.
  • The fact that the shower droplets feel like little rocks against my skin.

(Images from WeHeartIt - I don't know where the middle picture originated!)

I am currently gapping out to a pile of candles, while thinking too much about my doctor's appointment tomorrow.  I hope they can help me.  My failing health is getting harder and harder on my mental health.

What is getting under your skin this week?  Help me feel less alone in the world.


Sunday, January 30, 2011

Links, Links, Links!

Some of my fine Internet gems of the week, for my very special readers!!

This made me literally laugh out loud.

More ways to enjoy your alone time :).

Tips to wake up early (not that they work for me :/).

Natural tips for overcoming anxiety!

Ways to keep the fight for life alive.

Pleasures to enjoy everyday.

Methods of overcoming fear.

Let that brain of yours shine! Such things sometimes amuse me, even if I'm getting slower.

Cats and keyboards - you know how it is.

Hope you all enjoy these links, especially at such a time in world!


Saturday, January 29, 2011

Quote of the Day - Christina Hendricks

I've always been someone who really watches other people, human behavior. To watch it and be able to express it through your version has always been really exciting to me.
~Christina Hendricks

(about her character on "Mad Men") I have women coming up to me and saying: 'I love your character! She's so empowered. She takes control; she gets what she wants.' That's another side of her. And I respect that in Joan. She says and does things that I would never allow myself to do.
~Christina Hendricks

(Image from WeHeartIt)


Friday, January 28, 2011

Love Me Fridays

  • Starting The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!
  • TV show marathons so I can just gap out.
  • Altering clothes to make outfits.
  • Paint.
  • Voltaren Gel (not fantastic, but better than nothing...).
  • Joining Goodreads again!
  • Sleep in the few occasions I get it!
  • Espresso.
  • Joining Tumblr!!
  • Invader Zim.
(Audrey Kawasaki is amazing).

(It's true!)

(I've always had a love of dreamcatchers!)
(Images from WeHeartIt)

What are the little things that are making your life worth living this week?!  It's a wonderful habit to list the little things for which you are grateful.

Lots of love,

Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Simplest Freedom

One of the things that I miss the most?


The freedom that I felt as a child, as I sat on the seat and clung on to the chains, and kicked my legs back and forth, making myself go higher and higher.

It was such an intoxicating feeling.

I would kick off my shoes and feel at peace with myself and the universe.

Now if I get on a swing and get insta-motion sickness.

Such a simple pleasure that has had to be erased.

Anyone who has swing nearby and has the ability to accomplish the task - don't take it for granted.  Make sure to swing away some of your stress now and then.  Let me live vicariously through you!

(Images from WeHeartIt)


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Full Speed Ahead (No Pop Culture Wednesday...)

This week's Pop Culture Wednesday was written out all nicely, but the layout wouldn't work, and when I tried to fix it, I managed to delete it.  With the day of pain and fatigue I'm having, I just can't be bothered to go through all the work to churn it out in time!

So for today ... we're heading FULL SPEED AHEAD!
(Image from Reddit)

Do you ever lose your writing/blog posts through stupid mistakes and broken formatting like these?  Or am I a special breed of slow at Internet? 

Cat pictures make everything better.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

To Those in the Process of Diagnosis

I'm still in the process of diagnosis.

It's been 12 years.

I'm tired of it.

If I was starting the process over, I think my situation would work out a little differently.  Information about fibromyalgia, celiac disease, gastroparesis, chronic fatigue syndrome, and autoimmune illness is abundant on the Internet these days.  I would have likely been able to narrow my symptoms down, and may have had less worry. Mind you, many of the symptoms are quite vague, so a monumental amount of testing would have had to occur either way.

For those who are just going through the process now, I recommend:
  • Patience. Illnesses build on top of illnesses.  It becomes a full lifestyle change.  It's a list of changes that is incredibly hard to accept, but they are necessary all the same.
  • Keep up on your medical research.  Not all doctors have the same amount of knowledge on certain subjects, and as someone who has taken unnecessary medication for my illnesses, I recommend keeping ahead of the game.  However, I let the doctor lead, as I've run into too many doctors whose egos rule the appointment.
  • If at all possible, get a second opinion.  That way you can be quite sure the diagnosis is right and be more confident in your treatment.
  • If you suffer from brain fog, try to bring someone with you to the doctor appointments. That way the information is doubly enforced.
  • Try both natural and pharmaceutical treatments.  Learn what works for your body.  The sooner you know the sooner you can ease the pain.
Hopefully these tips can help the newly ill and/or diagnosed in their struggle ahead!

Wishing you all the luck in the world,

Monday, January 24, 2011

Things That Bug Me Mondays

  • Pinched nerve pain in my back.
  • I desperately need a massage.
  • Not having any appetite before the late evening.
  • I miss my Kim!
  • Feeling like I'm losing control of my emotions (hello big black hole!!).
  • Coming down with a cold.
Other than my scary levels of pain, I've had a good week!

Jon made me gluten-free poutine last night!!  It was the best thing I have tasted in ten years.  Plus, I got to see my friends.

(Images from WeHeartIt and Tumblr)

What has been getting on your nerves this week??  Let out a rant here and we can all share in the experience <3.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Links, Links, Links!

I've been all over the Internet this week, and I think I've been focusing on self-improvement posts!  Hopefully you like the line up!

Some awesome graffiti!

Unsolved philosophical problems for those who want to challenge their mind!

Ten important things to stop doing in your relationships in order to make them better!

Some bizarre facts about the human body!

Seven great habits to implicate into your day-to-day life!

These claim to extend your lifespan.

Sad and angry truths about the pharmaceutical industry.

Ways to make yourself smarter!

An anti-inflammation food pyramid.

More ideas to stretch your brain!!

I'm in such a self-help mood apparently.
Maybe it will help me out.


Saturday, January 22, 2011

Quote of the Day - A Secret Thought

I can't even count how many times this thought has crossed my mind in various forms and fashions over the course of my life.


Friday, January 21, 2011

Love Me Fridays

  • Movies on Netflix
  • Using Dragon Dictation again
  • Listening to new music
  • Getting chores done around the house
  • New bigger headphones
  • Magazines
  • Making craft binders
  • Drying flowers
  • Coffee and Regis & Kelly
  • New Criminal Minds
  • Trying to finish an entire coloring book given to me by my sister!

(Images from WeHeartIt)

What have you been loving this week?  Tell me of your good moments and cheer me up from my crying fest that I had earlier!


Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Opposite of Sex

In the movie, The Opposite of Sex, Lisa Kudrow remarks that she'd rather have a backrub or a good shampooing than sex and the ins-and-outs of dating/relationships.

She wonders if she is the only one who has had this thought (although she drops this opinion by the end of the film).

Now to apply this to chronic illness:

People who are in pain all the time, also often have pain while having relations.

It hurts to have a back rub.
It hurts sometimes for someone to play with my hair.

It hurts to be close to people in this state, but it IS worth it.  My relationship is worth it.  This feeling of unconditional love is worth it.  The feeling of friendship is worth it.  The feeling of family is worth it.  If life was all about pain, it wouldn't be much worth living.

I miss the most human parts of being human.

Those who are riddled with pain will understand this thought.

(Image from WeHeartIt)


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Pop Culture Wednesday

These have been my little distractions away from reality this week!  My moments living outside of reality often seem vastly better than my moments in reality; funny how that works, eh?

Dolores Claiborne:

My very FIRST Stephen King book!  It was fantastic, and I need to add more to my library!  Dolores is such a complex character, and since I saw the film first, I could only picture Kathy Bates in my head.  I loved that it was written as a confession - beautiful style.

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men:

I was on the fence about this movie until the final scene, where John Krasinski reveals to his ex-girlfriend the very reasons why he left her for another woman.  It was so poignant and so touching.  I felt like my brain opened up, revealing what stirs human relationships. It's hit and miss, but when this movie hits, it really hits!

Party Girl:

I ADORED this movie!  Parker Posey is a goddess and the best party girl and librarian ever.  Such a cute coming-of-age movie/romantic comedy.  I can't believe it took me this long to see such a fun film.

Lou Lou magazine:

I am a fashion junkie, and I have to say that this is my very favorite Canadian fashion magazine!  I have restricted myself to buying less than 3 magazines a month, as I have a horrible tendency to binge on them.  I love throwing myself into the beautiful that I will never be able to afford.  Definitely the easiest way to get away from the world for a few minutes.

What have you been indulging in this week?  Treating yourself and others well I hope?!


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Gastroparesis Ramble...

I am back in the world of "oh-my-lord-my-body-hurts-beyond-any-reasonable-level-of-allowance".

I'm having difficulty with my appetite.  NOTHING is appealing to me other than dark chocolate, gluten-free biscuits and fruit. I can't even eat enough of those to get my full daily calorie intake.

Silly gastroparesis.

I AM however, thankful for my friend Toni who also saw and loved Helena Bonham Carter's different color shoes and thought of me!  Put a smile on my face.

Trying to convince myself that food is not the enemy...

(Image from

Does anyone else have problems with getting proper nutrition with gastroparesis? (and I do use meal-replacement shakes - I just get sick of them!).


Monday, January 17, 2011

Things That Bug Me Mondays

  • The fact that I had half of this blog post done and somehow it got deleted.  Panic.
  • Opiates = constipation. Graghhh.
  • Trying to bust apart my muscles and just having them feel more messed up.
  • The Golden Globes last night were...interesting haha.
  • Not having enough time to get everything done!
  • Nausea.  It's a killer.
  • Easy bruising.
  • Sleeping too late and messing up my pills.

(Images from Tumblr and WeHeartIt)

This week has been absolute chaos!  I still need to finish up an application to write for the website  Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to get accepted!!

What has been eating at you this week?  Get the weight off of your shoulders here!


Sunday, January 16, 2011

Links, Links, Links!

These are the fantastic things that I've come across on the Internet this week lovelies! Enjoy!

I LOVE these ideas!

20 Pieces of Advice for 2010.

RA Warrior talking about the guilt that we so commonly face by having chronic illness.

I don't think I've ever seen an Oatmeal comic that I didn't love!

My post at The Fight Like a Girl Club - Fibromyalgia and Men!

A mic gives out for a little girl singing the national anthem. And then our heart is warmed...

Gave me a little giggle!

Thirteen mistakes commonly made by those with Fibromyalgia.,,20389399_1,00.html

Have you seen anything this week that you would like to share with me?

Love to you all,

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Quote of the Day - Helena Bonham Carter

It took me so many years to move out. I'm definitely a bit of a Peter Pan, reluctant to grow up. It all seemed really nice at home-why change it? Part of me would prefer not to have any responsibility whatsoever.
Helena Bonham Carter 

Multitasking? I can't even do two things at once. I can't even do one thing at once.
Helena Bonham Carter 

With the number of people I ignore, I'm lucky I work at all in this town.
Helena Bonham Carter 

(Image from WeHeartIt)

I LOVE this woman and her candid nature! 


Friday, January 14, 2011

Love Me Fridays

  • Showering after not having showered for awhile. It feels SO GOOD.
  • Games on my iPod...I'm totally addicted!  Helps with the fact that I haven't been sleeping well lately...
  • Stephen Colbert always makes me laugh :).
  • Gluten-free waffles.
  • Writing for the Fight Like A Girl Club!!
  • My poem for Kim!
  • My day of fun indie movies! (Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, Happy Endings, etc...).
  • Jon bringing home gluten-free pizza!!
  • Peppermint oil being slathered all over my knees.  
  • The fact that my blog readers are increasing and I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!

(Images from WeHeartIt)

What are you all feeling grateful for this week, despite your illness?


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Working Out With Fibro and ME/CFS

I never know the proper treatment for these illnesses in terms of exercise.

Fibromyalgia, they tell you to exercise as regularly as possible.  ME/CFS tell you that exercise can actually be more damaging to your condition.  Who knows the answer in this case?!?!  I always figure I'll follow my body, but it doesn't seem to tell me any clear answers.  Yesterday I decided I would try some light exercise and again, naturally, my muscles are swollen to the max.  I rarely understand the difference between "over-doing" and "under-doing".

My favorite exercises to do for these conditions are stretching and yoga (and sometimes learning how to dance on my Kinect!!).  Some days are so bad that I can hardly move a muscle out of bed in the first place.

From my research on Fibromyalgia, I have found these to be the best suggestions for exercise:
  1. Yoga
  2. Stretching
  3. Walking (which I don't do as I'm paranoid about going anywhere alone...)
  4. Swimming
  5. Bicycling
  6. Tai Chi
  7. QiGong
Obviously, I don't do all of these...

(Image from WeHeartIt)

What exercises do you do for your Fibromyalgia or ME/CFS?


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Pop Culture Wednesday

As you all know, I'm a serious pop culture junkie.  I'm always listening, watching, and reading (they all help distract me from the pain I have to live with against my will haha).


This movie is a riot, although it has some moments that some would consider to be in bad taste haha.  Everyone who has ever worked in a restaurant tell me that this movie is hilariously accurate (which makes me disturbed to go to restaurants!!).  Definitely a lot of fun.  If you love this movie, try out The Slammin' Salmon!  That movie is similar in nature, but equally funny :).


I thoroughly enjoyed Sylvia, but I wish more of her writing could have been laced into the script.  It focused on the tiniest section of Sylvia Plath's life, when I wanted the WHOLE biography as I find her fascinating.  Gwenyth Paltrow and Daniel Craig do light up the screen though.  If you want to further investigate Sylvia Plath, I sort of recommend the movie, but it wasn't everything I wanted it to be.

Touched with Fire:

Fascinating book linking Bipolar Disorder and the artistic temperament, by the author of An Unquiet Mind.  My favorite thing about this is how many sections of writings are referenced (really all of the greatest writers and poets!), and they all discuss the fluctuations in mood and thoughts in their lives.  It is really encouraging to those who suffer from mental illness to look at some of the most successful people who have also suffered.  Sadly, many of them did not live that long, but medication has come a long way.  Definitely recommend the read :).

Love It Or List It:
I watch this show more than any human should (thank you cable television!).  It's the perfect mix of renovations and house hunting - done in competition.  The house owners are always torn back and forth, making for some reasonably compelling television.  I recommend it if you are into home renovation shows (on the W Network and not HGTV though!).

What are you loving this week???

I love suggestions from my beloved readers!!


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Okay, I Admit It...I'm Going To Be Sick For a LONG Time...

I saw an endocrinologist the other day.

He confirmed my worst fears.  There is no way to link all of my illnesses together as far as is known at this date by ALL doctors I have seen so far haha. I have a lot of problems and just have to learn a LOT of coping mechanisms.

So much for attempting to put it all back together!

(...and Bipolar Disorder, Gastroparesis, ME/CFS, and Asthma amidst the many...)


Coping school I come!!

Anyone want to tell me any of their favorite coping skills??


Monday, January 10, 2011

Things That Bug Me Mondays

  • The after-effects of alcohol (Ow, body stop being so mean!).
  • Feeling lonely.
  • That the tendons in my arm are messed up and it's almost impossible to type.
  • (Thankful for Dragon Dictation Software...)
  • My cluttered coffee table.
  • Sobbing at Extreme Home Makeover haha.
  • Working on 8 billion things at once! I wish my brain would churn out more interesting topics!

(Images from WeHeartIt and Tumblr)

I'm excited about starting a new week! I'm hoping that I can manage to find ways to really enjoy this week!!  What is getting under your skin these days?  Let the weight off of your shoulders here :). 


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Links, Links, Links!

A few of my favorite things on the Internet from the past week - everything from comics to Fibromyalgia information!  Check it out! :)


(Image from Reddit)

How was everyone's weekend??  I went out to a crazy birthday party last night, which was very out of character for me!  I'm not feeling so hot today, but that comes with the territory.  I think it was the first time I've been out in the last year! 

Hope you are all well!


Friday, January 7, 2011

Love Me Fridays

  • That I know that someone will always take care of me.
  • Awesome things on the Internet.
  • The 200 celebrity looks that InStyle loves - fashion addict!!
  • Pain pills.
  • Writing, writing, writing!  It's all I ever want to do for the rest of my life!
  • Tiny Buddha and it's wonderful wisdom!
  • Not loving my wrist.
  • My bed.
  • Reading (as I'm having a hard time typing)...
  • New doctor opportunities...
  • Little Bronwyn *love*.

(Images from WeHeartIt)

What are you loving this week??  What is making your life special?  Share with me - I love to hear so much!


Thursday, January 6, 2011

Revised Pain Scale by Allie Brosh :)

0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don’t know why I’m even here.
1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.
2: I probably just need a Band Aid.
3: This is distressing. I don’t want this to be happening to me at all.
4: My pain is not fucking around.
5: Why is this happening to me??
6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.
7: I see Jesus coming for me and I’m scared.
8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.
9: I am almost definitely dying.
10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.
11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.
Too Serious For Numbers: You probably have ebola. It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.

I LOVE HER.  Check out her website at:


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Pop Culture Wednesday

I've been doing my typical watching, reading, and writing rituals of the week.  These are just some of the things that I've taken in and enjoyed.  Just keep pushing on through these tough emotional and physical times...

Why People Die by Suicide by Thomas Joiner:

This was an interesting read that I picked up at the Pain Clinic.  Joiner has done an EPIC amount of research in the subject, as he was intensely interested after the death of his father by suicide.  He manages to play both the survivor and the educator, and it's a really fascinating viewpoint.  If you have ever lost a loved one to suicide, or had one think about suicide - it's a must-read.

The Marriage Ref:

I find this show to be ridiculously funny.  I don't know if the arguments are actually real, but my goodness, if they are, they are hilarious!!  Three celebrities of different backgrounds get together (changes every week!) and make fun of the situations put before them.  They weigh in and vote on a winning side of the argument.  The comedic talent on this show never fails to amuse me.

Raising Arizona:

The BEST Nicolas Cage film in my opinion.  LOVE IT.  It was introduced to me by my father, and I've been laughing at this comedy ever since.  So worth watching.  One of my all-time faves :).

Strangers With Candy:

This movie is a much more of an acquired taste.  Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert are two top notch comedians, who do awkward, crude, and smart comedy in a way no one else could.  This could maybe be described an unconventional high school romp(?), but it is too out there for words!

What have you indulged in recently that you found interesting?  I'd love to know!  I've been eating up this Twitter feed of #lessambitiousmovies tonight!  So funny!


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A Breakdown of Guilt and Shame

So I had a mega breakdown last night.

It has been building for awhile.  I've been harboring anger, guilt, shame, and heartache in a tiny little bottle inside of my mind.  It shattered.  Exploded.  I am now typing this with the remnants of yesterday's swollen eyes.

The straw that broke the camel's back was that Jon told me that I needed to grow up.  He didn't say it maliciously in any way, but hearing those words (which I've heard SO MANY TIMES from SO MANY PEOPLE), just killed me.

I have been trying to act as grown-up as physically possible ever since I was a child in order to try to counteract my volatile emotions and terrible feelings in my body.  I have no idea where they come from.  As such, I have always been compensating and it is EXHAUSTING.  I am grown up.  I am a big girl.  I have circumstances that I cannot deal with as neatly as some other people.

Pain never ends.  I wrote a list of my symptoms for my new doctor on Friday and it's two pages long.  It terrifies me and it wears me down.

I have no control in my life.  Whatsoever.  I never have any idea how I'm going to feel at any given moment.  I have a hard time in social situations without an easy way to get home.  I don't get to contribute to the finances, and thus it feels like EVERYONE else runs my life.  I would love nothing more than to hold down a job and actually contribute and make my own money.

The guilt makes me feel like a loser, not a grown-up.  I should not feel ashamed.  None of this is my fault.  And yet the ill are a marginalized part of society.

The sadness is easing but it never fully goes away.

I just keep telling myself that my emotions are important, and it's not my fault that I ended up sick.  Mantra: I am a good person and I do make life better for some people.

I'm going to have to go read How To Be Sick by Toni Bernhard again.  Get my Zen on.

Thank you everyone for listening.  It is healing to even write out the guilt of not being up to a so-called "standard".

Does anyone else feel this way about their illness and their limits?  Do you have breakdowns too?  What do you do to deal with the guilt in a positive way?


Monday, January 3, 2011

Things That Bug Me Mondays

  • Being social-ed out.
  • My insomnia is totally not getting any better.
  • Feeling helpless.
  • I have bruises ALL over the place.
  • Itchy ears.
  • Having to refill my iTunes library.
  • The fact that I worry some readers will judge me for this set of pictures, but oh well, whatever!
  • Having a massive emotional breakdown (that was really the icing on my weekly cake :P).

(It hasn't been yet, but it will be haha).
(Images from WeHeartIt).

Hopefully you've all had a much more promising week!  I did get to have a wonderful evening on New Year's Eve though :).  

Tell me what is getting under your skin in this holiday season!  Blow some steam off.  Hugs to all :).