Weekend Fun!

It's time for......

WEEKEND LOVES AND LOATHES!!!!

Loathe: Working on Halloween.

Love: Going out tonight to see all the awesome costumes!!! I'm going to be a cowgirl :).

Loathe: Waiting in life for 4 hours to get my H1N1 Flu shot.

Love: The fact that everyone in line was trying to make each other feel better. One older gentleman even bought me a coffee because I looked tired!! It somewhat restored my faith in humanity. Plus, it's good to have some immunity to said illness as I'm so prone to being sick in the first place.

Loathe: The fact that I have no money. Negatory dinero. Dirt poor. Sad.

Love: The fact that if I did have money, I would spend it all on Modcloth.com!!! It's so dreamy and fantastic.

Finally, I managed to stumble upon the fantastic blog - 1000awesomethings.com - and every single thing listed is so true, and brings joy to my life (and apparently everyone's). I highly recommend you check it out.

Much love!

Annie

IDOLS :)

This website would be better if I would stop attempting to draw inspiration from other websites - thus, simply reading other people's writing 24/7.

It's just too damn addictive!!

I can't help myself - I have Internet Idols.

Two of them being:

"Miss" James Kicinski of Bleubird Vintage and Miss Elsie Flannigan of A Beautiful Mess.

Also, I ordered a crafting kit from Red Velvet Art for my birthday!!! Can't wait til it arrives! :)

A Note About Me!

What is your current obsession?The Internet! Etsy! Crafts in general! Wishing I had a better blog!

What are you wearing now?Bright red sweater, long white tank top, brown dress pants, and brown sneakers. Plus, a gold necklace that says LOVE on it.

Do you nap a lot?Sometimes on my days off, but I don't like to as it makes me not able to sleep at night.

Why is today special?I don't feel like complete poo? I don't know, I consider any day I actually get out of bed to be somewhat special.

What would you like to learn to do?Create a work from home business! I'd be super psyched.

What’s for dinner?That is an excellent question. Probably a mish-mash of whatever is in the cupboards.

What was the last thing you bought?Jonathan's Christmas presents!! I think he'll love them.

What are you listening to right now?100.3. The good old radio. I hate commercials.

What is your favourite weather?Fall air, changing leaves, needing an overcoat but not freezing to death - and of course, sunshine.

What is on your bedside table?I don't really have one; I should invest though, as there is enough on my coffee table to spread to the bedroom.

What’s your style?Classic, cutesy, and romantic.

What is your most challenging goal right now?Trying to make enough money to survive. Being sick and having a crap resume is not helping. The part-tiem job helps, but minimum wage is not enough to live on with that many loans.

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where do you want it to be?If you could take an all expenses paid trip to one place where would it be?Umm...I'm going to go with France or Germany.

Name the things you cannot live without.Well obviously food and shelter, but also the Internet, coffee, crystal light, friends, and BOOKS.

What would you like to have in your hands right now?A ton of money would make life easier.

What would you like to get rid of?All my stupid illnesses that make me a loser of the genetic lottery.

What was the last book you read?Umm... Organize Now!! Because I am a loser, and love lists.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?Somewhere with a fancy restaurant so I could get a tasty bite to eat :)

What languages can you speak?English...and phrases of German, Spanish, French, and Italian.

What language(s) do you want to be able to speak?German and French!

What do you want to be when you grow up?A self-employed creative type.

What is the worst job you’ve had?Wendy's. Eww. Fast food is a no-go.

Illnesses and Inspiration

Things I Have Been Diagnosed With:

1) Asthma

2) Polycystic Ovary Syndrome

3) Depression/GAD/Borderline Personality Disorder

4) Chronic Urticaria/Angiodema (basically...autoimmune allergies)

5) Psoriasis

6) Celiac Disease

7) Irritable Bowel Syndrome (and ulcers! wooo)

8) and the ol' biggie...Fibromyalgia (although constantly having blood tests to rule out other more life-threatening autoimmune disorders).

I think that's all. I have enough symptoms for a small army, but I think those cover the daily struggles.

Frustrating. I'm thinking of going to get in line at the H1N1 flu shot lines. It's probably a good idea.

I have to work at my good old minimum wage job for the rest of the week. Trying to think of amusing things to do while I'm there. I'm thinking of taking up knitting.

So I'll leave you today with inspirational thoughts that maybe knitting and working will distract me from a body that seems to not want to work as it should.

Running Out of Ideas

I feel like I might die.

Well maybe not die. But certainly be miserable for a good long time if nothing comes around. I need many hours in bed, some pills, and ice on my eyes.

No matter where I am: at home, at work, in my car - I'm constantly having allergy attacks. No one can really see it though...my eyes water and burn and my nose sounds stuffy...but I have no super visible symptoms.

This has been going on without any breaks, despite taking large amounts of reactine, benadryl, and zantac for eight months now.

My mother wants me to go see my family doctor but I refuse as we have a less than stellar working relationship. She believes I'm a hypochondriac, and thinks I just need to learn to live with my problems. As a result, it makes it difficult for me to go to her about something like allergies, even if they are severe and debilitating.

Even if I did get a referral to see someone else, it would be at least a year down the road due to the beauty of Canadian health care. Still better than no health care at all I suppose. This would be a good idea if these allergies are going to continue for the rest of my life - although I can hardly imagine living this way. It's like I'm allergic to every possible substance known to man.

I'm sure it's got to be something related to autoimmune disorders. I had chronic urticaria and angiodema twice now, for approximately year long stretches. This time I have no hives, but every other allergy side effect is in full swing on an unreasonable level.

I tried to brush it off as the weather - but we've now gone through 3 full seasons.
I tried to say it was dust, and that I had to clean more - nothing helped.
I thought it might have been the carpet so we ripped up the carpet for click wood flooring - still getting worse.

I am getting to my wit's end.

How do people deal with allergies in a productive way? This morning I just screamed in the car until I could scream no more.

Off to the drug mart, I go again.

Warming Up The Footsies Courtesy of Internet Loves

Fall is in full swing.

The leaves have mostly turned colors, the pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks is being heavily ordered, and it's no longer okay to go out without a sweater.

One more thing it becomes a lot harder to be without?? Socks.

I'm not a huge lover of socks, as I spend about April - October without them on my feet...instead, favoring the look of a pretty pedicure.

However, when time comes to pull out the old foot covers, I like them to have a bit of pizazz. The best way to do this?? Ruffles!!!

I love girly pieces of anything and everything when it comes to clothes. Socks are no exception.

Feast your eyes on these babies.

:) <3

xoxo,

Annie

xoxo,
Annie

Need Some Internet Hugs

So recently I've been feeling a little misunderstood.

As a result, I went to the Internet. It contains everything that everyone could ever want, including good ol' fashioned (semi) human interaction and support.

This is the first time I've joined a forum group on the Internet...as opposed to silly chat rooms, and I've been incredibly impressed. The people who take part in it are well spoken, have fantastic ideas, and are warm and funny. Most of all, they understand the struggles that people face when they have daily health issues.

Exactly the kind of people you wish were your friends.

I have a link on the side of the website, and I recommend anyone who stumbles upon it (and meets the criteria) to join.

Yay for international love!

P.S. Doing a home renovation for the next little bit - carpets ripped up, new wood flooring going down...it's going to look beautiful, but my god is the place ever a mess.

Easy Pick Me Ups!

As a continually sickly girl, I'm always looking for great ways to make myself feel like less of a schlub.

Even when I only want to sit around in my pajamas and watch television, which let's be honest, is OFTEN...I like to try and do things that will make me feel better about myself and my general existence.

Some may call me somewhat shallow for saying this, but the littlest steps at maintaining mainstream beauty often pick me up out of a funk.

So my easiest cures for those necessary pampering times when being super lazy are:

1. CLAY FACE MASKS

and

2. NAILPOLISH

My choices for this evening are The Body Shop's Tea Tree Oil Face Mask (feels so good!) and CoverGirl nailpolish in Candy Corn (a wonderfully festive October color!).

Happy pick me ups!

xoxo,

Annie

Thought Continuation

On second thought...

Maybe I'll just count it as storing up energy reserves for winter.

Hahahaha. EPIC LAZINESS!

Time To Shape Up!

I need to start an exercise routine.

ASAP.

Before I no longer fit into any of my clothes. Mind you, the winter is probably the absolute worst time to try and get into this habit, as all I ever seem to want to do is curl up on the couch with hot chocolate. However, my sedentary lifestyle is not treating me so well. I'm developing those wonderful 'love handles' of which people speak.

My boyfriend claims to enjoy them. He is either lying through his teeth or slightly insane. Not that I don't love my curves (as I very much do), but shopping becomes a serious bummer with clingy fabrics.

• I'm thinking that I should pace around/do squats when I'm stuck at work all day. Maybe walk around town some, even though it's starting to be snow weather and I so love my car for those dreary days.
• No more ice cream! It's by far my most serious downfall. I'm called the ice-cream monster by those who know me. Must substitute dark chocolate for my endless cravings.
• I need to tackle more tasks - the busier I am, the less likely I'll be to just sit around.

Sadly, I eat fairly healthy as it is. I just want to get the body I have into better shape. I rant about these things and then find a million ways not to do anything about them.

Oh well, we can't all be perfect. Advice, advice, advise me!

Now I must go perfect my amazon.ca order, as I love my books more than anything.

xoxo,

Annie

Learning What Matters...

It's almost the big day!

Doctor's appointment out of province! Woooo the joys of being sick in a reasonably small environment. I travel to the mainland tomorrow to see a Rheumatologist. Hopefully, he'll have something to contribute to this joyful mess of a life I lead.

On the plus side...being sick has allowed me to work on getting my priorities straight at a younger age. I was at a gathering not too long ago, and was absolutely shocked at how some people seemed to have no idea who they actually are or what they like. It was all about gaining money and stability no matter what the cost to their personal life.

Maybe I'm weird but I don't want to be like that. I would rather be with someone I love, work towards finding something to do that I love (despite the fact that their appears to be little money in it), and just have to live modestly.

I've been reading more and more vintage blogs these days (update coming soon with links to my favorites!). I am loving being surrounded in luxe fabrics, bright colors, and pretty things. I'm going to make it my new goal in life. You only live once, and when you are sick you learn to spoil yourself in order to make things seem more tolerable. There is this misconception that spoiling involves great sums of money, when it really doesn't.

Makes me want to take a trip to Value Village.

Anyways, wish me luck with my trip!

Maybe it will go well as it sure doesn't look like I'm going to be employed any time soon....

Attack of the Killer Allergies

I'm pretty depressed today.

I'm not going to lie. My allergies are absolutely impossible to live with. If I don't take allergy meds about every 6 hours I can't breathe, I sneeze ALL the time, my eyes are watery and runny, and my mouth itches. I always had allergies before, but this flare has been constant for about a 6 month period of time. Doesn't matter what place I'm at, how clean it is, whether or not there are pets...it's always the same reaction.

In addition, I'm at home for Thanksgiving dinner and I can't sleep at currently 4 a.m. Without those much needed sleeping hours, I'm

a) a zombie

b) cranky as all miserable hell

c) more likely to have illness effects (sore stomach, headache, widespread pain...)

d) TOO NAUSEOUS TO KEEP DOWN FOOD!!

The last one is what kills me. I LOVE turkey dinner. I will probably still stuff my face even if I'm too tired to chew, or if it all ends up being vomited in less than joyful bliss.

In addition, my job is killer boring...add in the amount of health problems and I damn near quit on the spot during an 8 hour shift by myself yesterday.

I would love to be able to get away from it all with sleeping. It is really the best escape possible, and one of the least attainable. Oh well, only about 4 more hours until someone else rises to join me in taking part of the world.

Sadness all around.

xoxo,

Annie

Book Review Sunday

I am a self-proclaimed bookworm, reading everything and anything I can get my hands on.

Every now and then I read a book that explodes my neurons, gives me chills, and literally takes my breath away.

Case in point: My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult.

For some reason, I had convinced myself to put off reading this book, despite knowing it was a huge phenomenon and bookstore top seller (and now even a movie with Cameron Diaz and Abigail Breslin!). I had convinced myself that it was chick lit – typically schlocky and uninspired.

As a person with chronic illnesses, I have a lot of empathy for Kate’s character – diagnosed with a rare kind of leukemia shortly after birth. For a long time, there were no titles on my illness, and subsequently I always felt as though death were right around the corner. When you are sick you have a tendency to get absorbed in your illness and feel simply like a giant burden to others. But this novel really introduced me to the other side of the story…the family members that are subsequently affected by this constant reminder of death.

The plights of Sara (the mother who becomes absolutely absorbed in the potential loss of one child, neglecting the others), Brian (the father and mediator, never knowing which path is morally right), Jesse (the brother who turns to rebellion in order to let out his feelings of frustration), and most importantly Anna (the daughter designed as a genetic match of replacement parts for her older sister – who has to fight for the rights to maintain her own body), are heartbreaking and honestly described.

Many of us are aware that in a situation of terminal illness, it is no-win deal. This book transcends that, and points out the major mistakes that individuals tend to make in order to cope with the situation of a loved one dying. It is easy to understand Kate’s desire to let go and let her family live in peace, her mother’s desire to hold on as tightly as possible, and Anna’s desire to give parts of her body to her sister but also her fear for her own life and safety.

I was absolutely taken aback by the ending. I should have seen it coming, but never did. My heart was shattered and it will probably be a few days until I recover from the novel.

If you need a good cry, or simply a real thinker of a book – I highly recommend.

To Morning or Not To Morning?

I have a love-hate relationship with early mornings. On one hand, they are beautiful, quiet, and peaceful. I have a tendency to be significantly more productive in the early morning hours. On the other hand, I LIKE MY SLEEP. I miss it. I don't function nearly as well without my 8 hours, and daily life these days almost refuses to give that on a regular basis.

As someone with chronic illness, I obviously have serious issues with energy. Sometimes it is so bad I'll collapse right in the middle of a grocery store. Sadly, it isn't the easiest situation to predict.

The D-Ribose I've started taking appears to work (I'd recommend it to anyone on a treatment regimen for Fibromyalgia for sure). I can't guarantee that it's not a placebo (as it is still a type of sugar...), but it appears to pick me up. I drink the occasional cups of coffee before 3 p.m. *I know it's frowned upon but sometimes you need it*. I also try to eat a small meal about every 3 hours to keep my levels up.

But just for some more information, I'll post a link to a site I recently stumbled upon with a TON of fantastic tips for simplifying life, called ZenHabits. This is a link to improve energy in a variety of ways and I will definitely be putting them to the test.

http://zenhabits.net/2009/05/55-ways-to-get-more-energy/

Tell me what you think!

xoxo,

Annie

Grrrrrr...

I need to work on controlling my anger.

Badly.

There is something about being sick all the time that really encourages snapping. It's not an excuse for sure, but it definitely leans you in the direction of anger as opposed to general sadness. There are few things more frustrating than feeling like you constantly have the flu, but having no idea why, or if it could ever stop. Add in the fact that you hold just as many responsibilities as the average healthy person and it becomes a full out mess.

This is an open apology to anyone I've ever hurt because of these short, irrational anger outbursts...but I'm feeling bad for one in particular this morning. My significant other definitely gets the brunt of these attacks, when much of the time he is the one least deserving. In days prior, it was my immediate family. Usually they are over the stupidest things (in this morning's case, an empty gas tank...), and they are just a result of my inability to channel excess emotions into anything remotely useless.

Anyways, what I'm trying to get to is that this is something I desperately want to work on. It's one thing for me to feel that way, and another for me to take it out on people who don't deserve it. I can't imagine it makes them feel any better when they go about their day.

Ideas...(anyone is welcome to chip in...)

1. Breathe before saying anything.

2. Take up yoga again.

3. Use the good old "I" statements instead of "You" statements.

4. Turn on music.

5. Write it down first (although these things involve segregating myself and I'm not sure that is to my benefit either...).

Who knows.

I'll figure something out.

Until then, it's pill taking time...

xoxo,

Annie

Guilty Pleasures

I am madly in love with this person's kitchen/organizational skills. Lately I've been on a HUGE home decor kick, and inspiration can be found all over the Internet. Not that that's stopped me from buying piles of magazines. They are easily number one on my list of guilty pleasures.

That makes me want to write down some guilty pleasures.

Lets see...

2) STARBUCKS! Ever since they opened up a Starbucks on University Ave., I've tried to be one of their most loyal customers. I'm aware that it is over-priced and pretentious but I just can't turn down a pumpkin spice latte or an espresso chocolate truffle. While in that environment, I have managed to convince myself that I am no longer stuck on this little island. It's a nice feeling. I'll also give a little shout-out to my love of San Pellegrino, which is prominently displayed in the image above.

3) Red lipstick. No matter how sick or tired I am, I always feel a little bit more confident, strong, and sexy if I swipe on some red lipstick. Sometimes I'll put it on even if I don't have any desire to leave the house, purely for the boost it gives me when walking by a mirror.

4) Mad Men and it's wonderful 60s fashion. I'm a latecomer to this series, but I've fallen madly in love. I wish I could wear those kinds of outfits everyday, and I watch it to scour out the beautiful little details even more than to take in the storyline.

5) Perfume. Now this will be a weird one, as for two years now...I have no sense of smell. This is actually one of my least favorite results of being ill, as it takes away so much beauty and lessens my taste of food substantially. By spraying on perfume, (always a kind I've put research into to know that it smells reasonably good), I feel as though I'm taking part in something of which I've been robbed.

..........................................................................................................................................................................

Today is sadly a confined to the bed day. I've managed to get zero sleep in about 35 hours and counting and it's doing horrible things to my body (and my mind, as I couldn't even figure out I had to put my foot on the brake before I could get the car out of park...). I have a job interview this afternoon for a car dealership (wooo! I know.) I'm just hoping that a) if I did get it I would be healthy enough to do it, and b) that it pays more than minimum wage.

I got a shout out by email from an old friend on the opposite side of the world today, saying that she and her friend (another chronic illness sufferer!) liked this blog. It was really appreciated, as I often wonder if I am the only one that reads it. It's a great compliment coming from her, as I've never read anything of hers that wasn't captivating, witty, and well-composed. It made my day :).

Now I will continue to lay and shop on Etsy.

Much love,

Annie

Blustery Fall Madness

Fall is seriously setting in here in Charlottetown. Most of the leaves have turned colors and are drifting off of the trees. The weather has taken a turn towards dark and dreary, and we're all just struggling to stay awake for the day-to-day chores of average life.

I'm currently working on a little DIY project:

I'm making my own sort of 'greatest-hits' magazine of all the ones I have collected.

I take out the articles and images the closely reflect my own style and the ways I want to remodel my life and I put them in page protectors in pretty, organized binders.

In addition, I'm going to print out my favorite projects and tips from the Internet. I think I will like having a dose of inspiration right on hand. Plus it is a fun way to pass the time.

I've started taking D-Ribose for my joyful illness. It makes me feel very strange, despite the fact that they claim there is no side-effects. I'm not sure if it is a good or bad strange yet...the jury is still out. Until then I will just mix it in my tea and diet coke and choke it on back.

Alas, I must go do a 3 hour work shift (which is convenient for being easy on the body, but super hard on the wallet), and then come home for a lovely evening with my sweetheart.

xoxo,

Annie

The Mind That Got Away

I miss the days of having a memory.

Up until my second year of university, my memory was fully photographic and never missed a single thing (leading to some fantastic marks in school I might add...). Then the fog set in, and it's never been the same since. If I don't write absolutely EVERYTHING down, it will be gone ten seconds later. I lose my purse, I lose my paycheques, I lose my key codes to get into places...none of which make you feel overly fantastic. I've debated getting important numbers tattooed on myself, purely so that I can stop losing them. Alas, seems like a ridiculous idea. Anyways, just an early morning rant on how frustrated I am with my state of being. My allergies also won't settle down, but I see the rheumatologist on the 14th of October now. Just counting down the weeks until I'll either get a diagnosis or another affirmation of being batshit crazy.

Well, heading off to work at the sex shop for the day...I swear, I have seen and learned more about porn than I ever expected to in my life. It's hard to not want to buy all the toys and lube in the store, but some of the things that people are into for porn never fail to turn my stomach. Learning experience for sure.

Looking forward to clipping magazines articles later for my special binders :).

xoxo,

Annie