Thursday, September 16, 2010

Rise From The Ashes

I'm exhausted.

My bloodwork is slightly off, and my doctor foresees the diagnosis of more autoimmune disorders in the future.

My nervous system, musculoskeletal system, and my endocrine system are all out of whack.

It looks like I have a pituitary tumor, but there are doing a second MRI to be 100% sure.

I have a slipped disc in my spine.

I blew up at my best friend due to my wonderful Aspergers-y ability to communicate.  I punished myself, but then pulled myself together for self-care afterwards.  I apologized with a Big Lebowski Kit full of awesomeness (and of course an apology!).

I haven't slept in more than 36 hours (a cycle that is likely to continue...).

I hurt.

I'm cranky.

I slipped today in my efforts to be an inspiration, it just all felt like too much.  However, I'm picking myself up, wiping off the tears, and taking it hour by hour.

Next week, I start Low Dose Naltrexone (something rarely seen around here for Fibromyalgia and CFIDS!)

My FAVORITE things about visiting this country house:
  1. Sarah
  2. Bronwyn
  3. Fathead and Moo (the cats)
  4. The water view and tons of trees
  5. The fresh-from-the-garden veggies!
  6. The bed next to a bay window where you can look at the stars before you fall asleep!
  7. Doing girly-girl things
  8. Down blankets
  9. The gigantic bathtub
  10. Not being alone during the day
However, no Jon *sad face*.  I guess it gives him the opportunity to miss me ;).

(Images from WeHeartIt)

How is everyone's Invisible Illness Week going?  Are you getting the word out?  There is nothing so freeing as  being honest with yourself and the world.



Toni said...

Annie. I'm so sorry that so many things are going wrong at once. It amazes me that you still have the resilience to come up with a list of positives about the country house.

I'm a bit concerned about you starting LDN next week since it can disrupt sleep and you already have sleep difficulties. For many, the disruption is only temporary, and perhaps you'll even be one of those for whom it doesn't happen at all. I just think you should know that before you start on it.

Tiffany "Mariposa" said...

lovie!!!! How's my Not-so-fragile Annie doing ? I LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEEEEE your blog! Beautiful! I love your honesty! *kiss kiss* Keep spreading that awareness you beautiful warrior you!

Sue Jackson said...

Oh, Annie, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so this week and feeling so bad. We've all been there. Don't be too hard on yourself emotionally - it's tough to hold it all together when you're feeling so bad physically. Be kind to yourself.

Wonderful news about trying LDN! A couple of words of advice from my own experience and from what I've heard from others:

Start with a very low dose and work up slowly, if you tolerate it OK. Although 3 - 4.5 mg is recommended for autoimmue disease, many people with CFS can only tolerate 1 mg or 2 mg (some can't tolerate it at all). So, it's best to start at 1 or 1.5 mg, give it a week and go up a bit if everything is OK.

It worked well for me at 3 mg, and I didn't have any side effects at all, but I seem to be one of the few with CFS to respond so well. Toni's right - for some people it gives vivid dreams or sleep disruption for the first week or so.

I hope it goes well for you and helps you!!