Saturday, August 28, 2010

Mega-Change

Well, I know a lot of people have been wondering what has happened to me lately (especially those on twitter, who get to see the mega-traumatized posts!).

My medications keep being changed and I am constantly bouncing between strung out and suicidal.  I have been having issues with my relationship.  My laptop/keyboard/ is broken.  I haven't been able to keep myself sufficiently fed, and being alone was making me claustrophobic and miserable.  The sounds were too loud, there were too many people, and I suffer from severe over-sensitization.  I no longer fully trust myself to be around only myself.  I needed a support team.

An opportunity arose to move into my best friend's house in the country.  At first I wasn't sure, but I was sitting down with a cup of tea, looking at the view, and I knew it was the right decision to make for my health.

I'm inconveniencing my boyfriend, and I know this (hopefully, everything will work out...).  But at this stage, a move is pretty much a life or death situation.  My mother will live 10 minutes up the road, so I will get a combination of independence and constant support.

I need quiet.
I need to be able to go outside.
I need to be able to not feel like a prisoner.
But most of all, I need more help.
(And money, but I always need money!)

I'm wishing for peace of mind.  This situation is surreal.
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Slowly working my way through my old favorite "Where the Sidewalk Ends" by Shel Silverstein.  SO MUCH LOVE for it!...thought I'd add that on :).

How is everyone else's weekend?  Hopefully less dramatic than mine!!

xoxo,
Annie

13 comments:

crazy333girl said...

I hope the move works out to be everything you need. I was in a similar situation last year and knew if I didn't move, my next rest stop would probably be the morgue. Since moving to the quiet little area I'm at now, things have picked up for me. I feel much more at peace in myself and I'm learning to control my emotions much better without so many external influences.

Most of all good luck with the move itself. I find the actual moving so stressful. Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

phylor said...

Good luck, Annie, with your relocation to the country.
Your previous living arrangements sounded horrific, and there peace can be found in the country.
Your friend and Mom can help you keep it together while your meds and life gets sorted out.
Sending you good thoughts and gentle hugs ((((hugs))) and I hope everything works out for the best.

phylor said...

Good luck, Annie, with your relocation to the country.
Your previous living arrangements sounded horrific, and peace can be found in the country.
Your friend and Mom can help you keep it together while your meds and life gets sorted out.
Sending you good thoughts and gentle hugs ((((hugs))) and I hope everything works out for the best.

Jonbayer said...

I think it's worth mentioning here that I love you no matter what you are going through. Seriously, no matter how difficult things ever are I will love you forever :) <3. You know who I am

FrancieML said...

I am happy for you. I sincerely hope this move makes you feel more alive! I think having you mom & best friend near you will help.God Bless you and be happy!

Baffled said...

The move sounds great. I think the quiet will help a lot since you are sensitised to noise. I know I love sitting in my house when it is quiet. It is very calming. Being able to sit outside in the sun is wonderfully healing as well. Take your time with the move and enjoy the coutryside.

Felicia said...

Sounds like you made a great decision! I hope that the move brings you the peace, comfort and well-being that you desire! Sending gentle hugs and positive thoughts your way!

Sairs said...

I agree that it sounds like the right desicion to make. I hope you start to feel a littel better soon. Feeling horrible is horrible. I suffer from over-sensitasation as well. I find the lights are too bright or the sound is too loud and it pierces my head. This happens only when I am not well. I think being somewhere quiet will do you the world of good and having support is awesome.
*hugs*
Sarah

Toni said...

I am very happy about this move. You'll be in the country. You'll be 10 minutes from your mother. It doesn't mean you can't still see your boyfriend. And...it will be a change. From what you've been writing recently, you need a change and a safe one. That's what this is.

And it's a great sign that you recognize you need a change and, despite all the physical difficulties you're going through, you're willing to take the plunge and do it.

I'm excited for you Annie!

Sonja said...

Thinking of you! <3

Jamee said...

I hope the move works out for you! Sounds like a wonderful opportunity! Take care of yourself girlie! You've been in my thoughts!

rlee8235 said...

Sweetie.........I hope the move brings peace to your soul. I understand how medications can either help or screw up your life. Just take one day at a time and I wish you peace and freedom from pain.

Gerri said...

I think the move will be the best thing for you. Having your mom nearby is wonderful. I talk to my mom every week and it's like we are next door even though we are 2500 miles apart.

I am off the LDN resigned to going back to the Vicodin and Darvocet and it IS a hard thing to adjust to.

Quiet birthday yesterday for me (53) had Chinese food LOL.

I hope today is a better day for you Annie.

Hugs, Gerri