Their pain is immense. To the point that they want to die. Hell, sometimes I want to die. My friend Melissa wrote a touching post on this very topic: http://drsnitwithlupus.blogspot.com/2010/08/yes-you-should-want-to-die-right-now.html. She also gave me hope for how to deal with doctors in a more productive and less bitter manner, and for that I am very grateful.
My pain medication is nowhere near potent enough. I hit pain levels that I am physically incapable of using coping skills towards.
As I said to a good friend, I was vibrant, young, funny, and cute (as is she!)...but it is like we are mourning the death of ourselves, while still being alive to watch it.
How does one deal with such a state of existence??
- Positive coping skills keep me alive.
- Good pain medications keep me alive.
- An excellent support team - my boyfriend and family keep me alive.
- This blog keeps me alive.
- Twitter keeps me alive.
- Being there for some of my beloved friends keeps me alive.
The list is short. But it is important all the same.
I talked to my mother today and it was amazing. She is willing to be there with me at my pain clinic on Monday, and she is willing to fight for better medication. I need an advocate (especially a pharmacist advocate!).
If not, we will ask for a referral. Simple as that.