Things That Bug Me Mondays

• I have been fighting with a variety of people.  It's been sad.  I think it is all coming around though :).
• I am having mass panic over the fact that I have a job interview with Tourism and Culture for the Government on Thursday.  It is a full-time position as a Communications Intern (but for money).  I honestly am quite positive that I am physically incapable of doing it.  I'm interviewing because I feel guilt over the fact that I'm not helping take care of myself.  We shall see how it goes.  This reminds me that I must go print off a copy of my resume for my portfolio.
• Nabilone = mega dry mouth.  I'm drinking the most gigantic soda known to man and it is still dry :(.
• Quitting Diet Coke is hard.  I love that stuff.  So much.
• I want to replace sooooooooooooo much of my wardrobe and yet have no money.
• Two words: Brain Fog.

(Images from WeHeartIt)

Basically, this week - I just have to live.  Just like every other week.

What is bothering everyone this Monday???  Tell, tell!

xoxo,
Annie

How I'm Feeling: Quote

Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.  


~ Neil Gaiman (A Game of You) 

xoxo,
Annie

Puppies and Kittens :)

There are things I could be writing about...

I likely will further tomorrow.

But right now, all I can do is have a little daydream and wish to not hurt so bad in every way.

My daydream tonight, (makes it sound like a night dream...but whatevs!...), is to have puppies and kitties.

Technically, I might be able to get away with a cat in my apartment, even though they are not allowed.

The puppies have to stay in my daydreams.

(Images from WeHeartIt)

What do you think everyone?  Should I twist the boyfriend's arm into getting me a cat??  I could definitely use the company (on the assumption that I don't get the job I am interviewing for next week).  So many of my blog friends have cats and I'm getting jealous!!

xoxo,

Annie

Love Me Fridays

• Being prescribed benzos at a sufficient level for good sleep every night!  I am so looking forward to sleeping again :).
• Amazing Internet friends who provide great support.
• This is going to sound really messed up...but in every way that I hate the massive return of my pain after a three day respite...I also like it, as it makes me feel as though this stuff is not all in my head and I am justified in my actions.  Blah.  Crazy.
• Finding things you forgot you had when you are cleaning - it's like they are brand new again!!
• Cold days where you can snuggle up in blankets and drink hot beverages (I know, I want winter again when everyone else wants summer!).
• Momentum Gathering's  Weekly Life Cleanse Kits!
• New carbonated fruit juice from the President's Choice brand! Although, like everything else I like from there, I'm sure they will immediately stop carrying it.

(Images from WeHeartIt)

What are my wonderful readers loving this week??? <3

xoxo,

Annie

Sick and Tired Of Being Sick and Tired...

I've been having a rather down couple of days, which is funny as my pain has been somewhat lifted (minus the carpal tunnel and tennis elbow).  The pain relief is likely as a result of upping my Celexa (more serotonin = happier Annie!).  I'm also recommended to increase my dose of Nabilone and Clonazepam to get my sleep under control.

I feel like my mind and body are a giant cluster-fuck.  My psychiatrist is telling me how there is a serious link between my emotional and physical issues (apparently it is especially strong as I was a sick child...).  I don't know what to believe anymore about anything.

Gah.

Ideas were being thrown around by the Doctor regarding rare situations from atypical migraines to allergies to Tylenol.  Basically, no one knows.  I am going to end up with every diagnosis under the sun and none of them will be correct.

Anyone have any good ideas for work at home situations???  I'm ending up in a severe financial crisis over here!

(Me and my sis!)

xoxo,
Annie

Pop Culture Wednesday

This is what I've been spending my free time with this week!

Kick Ass:

I was skeptical about this movie.  At first it seemed almost corny, but come the second half - it really was kick ass!  I highly recommend as a fun way to pass the time.  Some may find a little girl with a killing vendetta a bit much, but I thought she was adorable :).

The Book of Eli:

Also amazing - I liked this much better than a similar post-apocalyptic world found in The Road.  It was a bit biblically heavy, but the style and swagger of this movie more than made up for it.  Denzel Washington is one hell of an actor.

Candy:

Abbie Cornish and Heath Ledger have amazing, out of this world chemistry in this film!!  It is a poetic love story turned gritty heroin hell.  I am a sucker for tragic drug tales - I'm not entirely sure why.  This movie is incredibly realistic, and does not make the drug use into a glamorous situation - which is always nice to see.  Also, I miss Heath Ledger and I've only seen Abbie Cornish in two films but she's been breathtaking in both.

How I Met Your Mother:

My favorite and the funniest sitcom I have ever seen.  Every single character on this show cracks me up to the point of being in tears.  There is nothing more healing than laughter.  I should really start incorporating more funny films and television shows into my life.

So here's the question to you today - what are your favorite funny TV shows/movies???

xoxo,
Annie

I Love...Love

Dedicated to my wonderful boyfriend Jonathan.  I hope he would feel the same about me (including the mob one haha!).

(Images from WeHeartIt)

Awwww.

Aren't relationships crazy beasts?? Haha.

I hope you all have a wonderful support team like I do :).

xoxo,
Annie

Things That Bug Me Mondays

• The fact that this flare of illness seems to be longer and more painful than any prior in my life.  Gah.  That can't be a good sign.
• I fail at ergonomics and have some carpal tunnel action going on in my wrists :(.  I've been trying to stay off of the laptop as a result, but it always pulls me back in...
• Pain makes me grouchy.  I don't like to be grouchy.
• I've been inside for so long now that it is getting pretty lonely...
• I shouldn't complain about lovely weather, but heat takes so much more out of me than cold (although, I do look kind of good with the freckles from sun-bathing yesterday!).
• Necklaces getting all tangled up and knotted while on my neck - one day I'm going to accidentally strangle myself.
• The fact that there is a Coldstone Creamery now in Summerside but not in Charlottetown!  Soon...

(Images from WeHeartIt)

All in all, there have been lots of things to counteract the levels of pain and illness this week!  Yay!  Now, I just need to brace myself for the upcoming Dr. appointment...

Get it off your chest everyone!  What is bugging you this week???

xoxo,

Annie

Setback Sunday Hahahaha

So.
I overdid it yesterday.
I now can hardly walk (my muscles are burning and just collapse...), am in excruciating pain, and am trying to love my body when my last 11 years of life has been devoted to hating it for all that it can't do.

However, seeing my family, having a massive bbq, soaking up some sun, having a couple of drinks - worth it in the short-term for sure!

Okay my loves...how many of you have difficulty walking?  And what do you do to help with it?  Just stay home?  Or something else??

xoxo,
Annie

My Music Went Away...

I rely on music sooooooooooooo much in life, especially when I'm sick (which seems to be ALL of the time).

I have been feeling severely under the weather lately, and as a result have spent most of my time bed bound.  Last night I couldn't take the lack of movement anymore, so at 1 a.m. I decided to go out for a short walk (basically about half as far as I thought my legs could take me, so that I could make it back to the bed in time...).

Of course, my iPod went into recovery mode and it doesn't match up with the mess that is on my computer now.  Gah.

When I'm at a high enough pain level that I can't sleep, my iPod is the only thing that can help pass the time and lull me down.

Sometimes, I swear, when my technology breaks, it is like losing a friend.  Some would call me overdramatic, but as someone who rarely gets the opportunity to go out and has very few friends in person...I get a little dependent.

A lot of frustration right now, not gonna lie.

(Images from WeHeartIt)

Does anyone else feel this strongly towards their electronics??

xoxo,
Annie

Love Me Fridays

This is going to be a hard Love Me Friday as it has been one tough week physically and mentally :(.

• Skinny Lattes - even though I end up making them less skinny by adding sugar.
• Ice cream and ginger ale, as I haven't been keeping much down.
• To-Do lists.  Without them and their ability to guilt me, I would probably just give up.
• ChronicBabe, for having allowed me to meet so many spectacular women.
• Abbey Road, as I've been listening to it late at night to help coax me into sleep.
• The website Stereomood, as I can't get many streaming music sites up here in Canada.  Plus, it is letting me listen to a melancholy playlist right now! Haha.
• My cactus, as it is the one and only thing I seem to be able to keep alive.
• My new mint green nail polish.  I'm late to the trend, but it looks fantastic :).

(Images from WeHeartIt)

What are you loving this week?  Help me add to my list!!

xoxo,

Annie

Bed Gluttony

I would like to have each and every single one of these beds.

Some people would say no one needs that many beds.  I beg to differ with the amount of time I spend laying in pain.  Like right now.  Ouch.

The swimming pool one would be particularly (INSERT ALL POSITIVE ADJECTIVES HERE), as I could get exercise every time I felt good enough to get out of bed!

(Images from WeHeartIt)

What do you do to make your bed a more comforting space??

xoxo,
Annie

Chronic Babe Blog Carnival #4

Link to awesome blog carnival?
I think yes!

http://www.chronicbabe.com/articles/838/

xoxo,
Annie

Pop Culture Wednesday

I have been watching mostly TV this week, curled up in bed with my laptop.  There have been a lot of ups and downs in my life this week for sure - but either way, there are a few shows that distract me enough to make life bearable.

Intervention:

I watch this show in marathons.  I never fail to be fascinated by addicts, probably as I have had a few issues of my own.  This show reminds me to be compassionate toward other addicts, as well as encourages me to try and stay away from my negative behaviors.  These types of shows help me remember that there are many people worse off than me in the world and that I should be reasonably grateful.  I always make a gamble as to who can stay sober come the end of show wrap-up though haha.

Sons of Anarchy:

A show about a tight-knit community motorcycle gang.  Not my typical show, but has compelling situations and soap-level drama.  It is Katey Sagal in the role that she was born to play.  May be a little violent for some, but I still recommend a check out.  Makes me wish I was more bad-ass :).

Gilmore Girls:

I grew up with these two girls on my TV screen.  I have such a warm and fuzzy spot in my heart for the first three seasons.  When Rory started dating Logan, the show fell apart a bit for me.  Either way, I have the first three seasons on DVD and they make wonderful background noise as I do my few little tasks of the day.  I figure anything that brings smiles is worthwhile :).

So my wonderful readers...do you have any suggestions of some television that makes you smile??!

xoxo,
Annie

Structured Regulations For A Personal Body

I have a moderate rant in regards to the health care system (this may develop into a series of rants over time!).

I have been living the whole medical guinea-pig lifestyle for 11 years.  More blood has been taken from me than I would even know what to do with (not that I should be doing anything with blood other than having it in my body...). My entire body hurts from the tip of my head to the tip of my toe almost ALL of the time.  Obviously, something is not right.  Yet all of my blood test results come back as being on the edge of the normal range, or in the normal range.  

I carried around one of those diabetic glucose kits for 2 years to consistently test my blood sugar.  I am visibly EXTREMELY hypoglycemic to everyone around me, including myself.  I get dizzy and faint or become unable to prepare myself any kind of food and become absolutely impossible to deal with mood-wise.  However, once you get a glass of juice into me, I'm happy as a clam.  Yet, do you think any of my tests ever showed up as being overly low???  Of course not.  

Perhaps I am meant to be a mystery for the rest of time.

As far as I can tell, every single person is different.  As a result, the levels of certain brain chemicals, hormones, and sugar levels within each body would need to be different.  This scale system lead by popular numbers is not good enough.  It throws people like me who fit no categories out to the wolves.  Trust me...the wolf-filled forest is not a nice place to be with no protection!

I don't deserve to suffer because I fall in that 0.01% of the population.  

That is all.

xoxo,

Annie

Things That Bug Me Mondays

• How tired and sore I've been this week!  I feel like I should go back to bed every hour on the hour - and right now I think every part of my body hurts!  
• The job situation around here.  Not that I could do much work, but I have been looking for part-time jobs and they are definitely hard to find.
• The unpacking of laundry and a variety of other bags.  I should just put on music and get it over with, but for some reason I keep putting it off.
• I have been having some overly large mood swings lately :(.
• Credit card bills.
• Owing the Government money.
• Being poor.  Haha.
• Missing doctor's appointments.  I seem to dwell.
• Bruises from being clumsy.
• The less-than-classy 15 year old overweight girls with 872 pounds of eye makeup who show up at my apartment building looking for drugs!  I want them all to go home and love their moms!
• I need to book some doctor's appointments I think...
• And someday get a cell phone...

(Images from WeHeartIt and ffffound)

What is gripes do you have with this Monday??  Let them off of your chest - it's good for you!

xoxo,

Annie

Website Recommendations

Have any of you ever checked out The Notebook Doodles?  I LOVE it.  A beautiful blog, with fantastic art, interesting quotes, and general all around goodness.

Do any of you read blogs I should check out?  Even another one of your own?  I love finding new sites online :)!

xoxo,
Annie

Tears Are A-Falling

I was going to write about the results of my psychiatrist visit today.

Alas, the alarm didn't go off.  I woke up a half hour later and frantically called the office.  I was guilt-tripped that he came in especially for me, and I should be ashamed of myself for not getting there, alarm clock or not (*by his receptionist).  If there is anything I pride myself on, it is being reliable.  Well, now I've put a glitch on that record.

I needed that appointment and now it is set for several weeks out.  I had a particularly upsetting day yesterday and today hasn't helped either.  I have been bawling my eyes out for about 18 hours (minus 6 or so of sleep...).

I'm tired of this.  I'm tired of the weird things with my body and the weird things with my brain.

Help my mind everyone, do you all get tired too?  Or am I just being weak?

xoxo,
Annie

Love Me Fridays

• Pajamas.  I have been living in them all week.  I've more or less fallen back into the unable to eat and successfully keep real food, so my energy has been rather low.
• Twitter.  I have actually interacted slightly with some of my blogging idols.  Plus it gives non-stop entertainment and info.  Holy moly.
• Ripping up magazines to make collages!
• Taking pictures of my art as the result of being encouraged to be proud of it!
• People who want to not be miserable, despite trying circumstances.  I have so many people I look up to, particularly my Internet friends.  I can't believe I went for so long without a support group, even if it has to be online.  I can fight and just maybe I can win.
• My mom :).
• Sleepy nights on the couch with a boyfriend pillow :P
• My good friend, Mr. Heating Pad.
• Waking up in your clothes 13 hours later to find out you must have been REALLY tired haha.

What are you guys loving this Friday???

xoxo,
Annie