Tuesday, March 2, 2010

See You Later Illness, I'm Off To Dream Land!

Sometimes I desperately want to be free...

Some would say, well Annie you technically are!  You're young!  You could do whatever it is you set your mind to!  These people, while well-meaning, are completely off base in terms of being under the hold of Fibromyalgia and Autoimmune issues.

I could potentially obtain better health-care opportunities if I moved.  However, I am borderline incapable of holding down a job.  In this case, to separate myself from my support system is not an option.  Plus, I would never do that to Jonathan, as he has a wonderful job and opportunity growing for himself right here.  

I want to take trips.
I want to go camping.
I want to make and build relationships.

And yet, it all seems like more effort than it's worth.  To go on a trip or camping, I have to pack an extensive amount of medication, those heating pads that don't need electricity, special food, and make sure there are lots of bathrooms around.  Even then, there are no guarantees I won't just lay there absolutely miserable and in pain without the comforts of home.  A lot of it has to do with fear.  Some say anxiety leads to Fibromyalgia in a way, but Fibromyalgia has a way of creating anxiety beyond what I ever thought was possible.  Life is a constant state of upheaval.

How does one meet new people in this state of life?  The Internet I suppose - and I have met some people I have desperately wished were my real-life friends here.  I want to give a special shout out to Krista for introducing me to her wonderful friend Kendall, whose conversations rock my socks.  Also, MAJOR love for ChronicBabe, where I have met some of the most fascinating, strong, and inspiring women.  Let's live in fantasies shall we???

Here are some of the places I wish for:

Images from WeHeartIt

What about you?  Any avid traveler's/dreamers out there?



Rosebud Beads said...

I'm happy! Pretty pictures!

A. McLellan said...


I am an avid dreamer. I think it's because my life hasn't panned out the way that I had planned. I dream about everything; where I'll travel to, people I'll meet, jobs that I could have, a degree that I should have. Everything.

Living with pain is not easy. I don't have pain like you do, but I do live with a back injury and nerve damage that can make my days hellish.

You seem to handle what life dishes out with grace and I admire that.

Joy said...

I was fortunate that I had lived a very full life before I became ill in my thirties. But it is an ongoing grief all the things that I can no longer do - and all the things I tried to do and all the work it took to do them, and how badly they exacerbated my symptoms - and how I realised they were now out of my capabilities. I do a lot of grieving for exactly those places you showed in the photographs.... But on the other hand, once I made my life small enough to fit my capabilities, I was able to really enjoy those things I could do without making my symptoms worse. Good luck to you! Best Wishes!

Mo said...

The last place I went on vacation was New Mexico,camping with all three guys and that was in 2000. I got horribly sick and I do believe it was a sign of what was to come. Joe has been back to New Mexico 4 more times on mountain treks with the Boy Scouts. He has been to the Smokey Mountains in Tennesee and The White Mountains in New Hampshire. Now he is planing a trip for this summer for The Grand Canyon. He loves to backpack, hike and camp. I am thankful he has hobbies and he can do these things and enjoy his life, even if I am not there with him. If I could travel those are not the things I would want to do...But I can't do ANYTHING. I don't want to pay for a vacation and then sleep the whole time. I don't want to even dream about going somewhere because I can't.
I remember my dreams....I wanted to be a rock star...now my Danny is. I wanted to do important things to help the community...now Bill does. He is one of the Public Education Instructors for the Fire Department. I wanted to travel...now Joes does. I live through my kids and husband. BUT they all come home to Mom with pictures and movies and it feels like I was right there with them.
This has inspired me to blog about my Husband. Where ever he is that's where I feel safe.

Assiya said...

I want to go so many places too! Right now India is high on my list! But really, I would like to see everywhere :) Now if only travel were free and didn't cause me pain...

Although I must admit, I may be studying abroad next semester, so I cannot complain. I really hope it works out!

Annie said...

I hope it works out well for you too Assiya!

Sometimes I just want to run away from all of it, but there are plenty of ways to live vicariously. It's all good.

Also, thank you Ashley, that's really sweet of you to say!

Crystal said...

I'm always wishing I was hopping on a plane to somewhere far away! Instead, I can barely pay rent, bleh! As a result, I read a LOT of travel books and blogs!

Della said...

I do some local travel within 2 hours from home w/ my hubs, and the heat turned on in the seat! It makes a big difference! I also read and bead alot to keep my mind off what I can't do :)

Angela said...

I'm always dreaming of exotic places to travel to!
Forget that, I'd be happy just getting out of my city more often!
Paris tops my list, with New York and Quebec vying for second and third place.
Greece is starting to call my name though...

Alison said...

Mostly I just daydream about road trips. Getting in my car by myself, driving 10-15 hours a day all on back roads.

Ebony Jewel said...

I love traveling! I travel for a living and have been to England and Paris as well as traveled all over the US. Right now I dream of beaches...because um the cold weather really really sucks!

Meg said...

Hi there! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love yours too!

As far as traveling goes, I would love to travel to Ireland, Scotland, Australia, New Zealand...oh let's just be honest, I would love to go anywhere!


dominique said...

Wow! Can I just tag along on your trips! Those are incredibly beautiful places!

I understand the fear of trying new things. I so get that.

I have been wanting to go on some trips but I just can't picture myself doing them on my own.

I keep hoping that there will come a day that there is some way I will be able to do it.

Until then, I just keep dreaming.

Amanda said...

Even day trips are huge for me, but my dream would be to go back to Paris. It was so beautiful there! Love your pictures :)