Sunday, July 25, 2010

Justification Of My Actions

So, I've gotten the occasional comment on twitter that what I'm doing right now does not look right.

As a result, I figured that I might as well try to justify my position on an issue that some of my readers don't know about.  Currently, I am in the process of trying to reduce and then fully detox from most, preferably all (but unlikely), medications that I am taking.

For 9 days straight while on all of these medications, I bawled my eyes out 24/7.  They obviously were not working in any way, shape, or form.  I'm not on first line medication treatment for any of my diagnosed illnesses.  Why no doctor supervision?  Well a) they are all conveniently on vacation and b) none of them have ever dared to want to follow me through the course of changing.

I moved home to live with my parents, at least for the next couple of weeks.  Not exactly what a girl at 23 plans, but I am too sick to function, and my mother is a brilliant caregiver (and pharmacist!).

These first 2.5 days with lessened medication in my body have been hell.  I've had a fever that shook me to the core, tremors, nausea, vomiting, panic attacks, collapsing, and excruciating pain.  I have tried to detox like this many times, and have always quit by the third day.  This time I am determined.

I don't necessarily believe I could live a life without drugs, although I think it is a brilliant idea in concept.  I just need to be on the right drugs.  And in order to do that, I need to come off of the wrong ones.  
  • No matter how much it hurts
  • No matter how much I cry
  • No matter how hard of a process it is
This is happening.  The course I am on right now = death. I don't want that to happen, and I'm willing to fight however hard I need to fight.  

xoxo,
Annie

12 comments:

Roy Trennemen said...

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Mo said...

Yikes Annie, this sounds wild. I wouldn't have the guts to cut out the meds I think I don't need. Good thing you could go to your Mom's, she will take care of you. Please be careful.
xoxomo

rlee8235 said...

God Bless You sweetie! I don't know that I'd have the strength to do what you are doing. Glad you've got your Mom! Take care and be well!

Pink Doberman said...

One day at a time. One moment at a time. Blessings, Tonja

Toni said...

You have such courage, Annie. I'd be worried except that you're with your mom. I think it was very wise to move back home while you go through this. Pamper yourself as much as possible.

Nessie said...

Annie,

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. You're very strong and brave for going through this! I'm glad you're in your mum's care. Like Toni said, be good to yourself.

Forgetful Girl said...

Good for you for taking charge of your situation. I'm very eager to hear how you get on, I'm thinking of coming off some painkillers I'm taking because they're not working for me.

Hope you are taking really good care of yourself. I know it's tough living with your parents at 23 (I haven't been able to live on my own yet!), but hopefully it will help you immensely. If you ever need to get anything off your chest about living with your parents, just email me since we're in the same boat!

coffee said...

I'm back with my parents too, & I'm way past 39 :/ Hopefully it's temporary, but who can say? The worst part for me is ppl who look down their noses & assume I'm taking advantage of my parents, or manipulating them... Or say, "so when are you getting a job?" because if I'm able to stand there and talk to them for a few minutes, I'm obviously able to hold down a job. Ok.
Ohai, tangent girl here :P I was going to say that I'm also on too many meds and have tried to come down on some of them before, with a little success. I want to do more but I know I'm not ready yet, plus I have to find a dr I can trust. So, GOOD LUCK- I know it's tough, but so are you- just try not to push too far too fast & end up in the hospital or something. Any chance of finding better doctors to help you through this?

phylor said...

Good Luck! I've had forced withdrawals when I ran out of meds or had to switch to another medication, so I know a little bit of what you are going through. You are very strong to even attempt this, and I hope it all works out for you. You will certainly be in my thoughts and I'm sending ((((((hugs))))) your way.

Elizabeth Kaylene said...

I had no idea! *hugs* Please know you are in my thoughts. I hope it gets easier, but no matter how hard it is, you can do it! I'm here for you.

xoxoxo

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Oh my, Annie, good that Mom is there. I can only imagine what you are going thru. I watch my sister suffer every time she forgets to take her q8h pain meds. Her withdrawal symptoms set in within an hour.

Sending energy to help however you need it.

Reformed Anon. Girl in Pain said...

I frequently try to go off my narcotics for a bit so I don't have to up the dose as I never let my body get completely adjusted to them.
I hope you are doing well and I'm glad you have a supportive family to back you up!