Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Epic Rant 101

Ow. Ow. And once again, OW.

I am beyond all realms of frustrated. I keep thinking I should be able to fix this...a better diet, more sleep, stronger coping mechanisms. But nothing works!

I have good moments throughout the day (usually the afternoons...I have horrible mornings and evenings). They make me feel guilty for not contributing more to society. Those glimmers of health also help me realize that I do, in fact, feel off. Bad. Not right.

The headaches/stomachaches are back with a vengeance and I feel plagued by what can only be best described by that of a poison all throughout my body. My best example is the way you feel the day before a virus fully takes hold of your body - sluggish, nauseous, painful, and like you should be in bed all day. It is actually uncomfortable to be in my body vastly more than the alternative.

And I don't know what causes it! Is it the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia? Is it the diagnosis of mental illness? Is it both? Is it a nervous system issue? It will be at least 3 months before I see another doctor willing to look into this.

So as I sit here in my chair, after laying on the bottom of the shower hoping the heat would take away my pain, I wish for answers. I don't even need to know that it can be fixed. Just tell me what I am up against and if I'm taking the best course of action.

Sigh. I'll go get the Gabapentin filled tomorrow and go back to my higher dosing.

I'll do a picture post later and stop being so damn depressing.


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